My Querencia is the home that my grandfathers have built for their family. I can feel the light wind blow across my face, and I can hear the birds chirping when I wake up in the morning. My mom comes into my room and says "breakfast is ready!", I run into the dining room and see what hot meal my mom has prepared for me. As soon as I am finished I walk to the window and open up the curtain, as soon as I do that, a ray of sun lights the room up. I get ready and see what this day has in store for me. As I go and wake up my grandmother, I go pass a hallway full of pictures, that bring me to the past. Looking at photos that I took with family and friends, I want to go back to that day and relive the occasion that was being celebrated. To loud laughs, kids screaming as they play games that they make up, it reminds me how happy I am to be around family.
When I'm in my room doing homework or projects, I can hear my named being yelled. Running to whoever needs me, my grandmother or mother tell me that they need help with all their house work. Washing the dirty dishes, folding the piled high clothes, vacuuming all the rooms, and fixing papers that are all over the place. As I help out I can remember all the things I used to do as a child, from mixing different items around the house without getting caught and playing hide and seek with cousins. I can remember the places where my uncle would put me in "time out", and me falling asleep so I could get out of it.
But whenever I have a bad day, I can always go home to the feeling of comfort from family members or friends. My home changed over the years from my child hood to now. My grandfather has extended his home every time a new family was added. This home will always allow me to be safe, with the people and environment it has been in.
First off, I like your ending paragraph how you're talking about whenever you have a bad day you can go home and feel better. You have pretty good sensory details in here and a good combination of the five senses. I like that you also have a decent amount of memories in this essay that relates this place to who you are today. One thing I would recommend changing is the first line. Like I told Taira, don't start off with the line "My querencia is..." because that is TELLING and you want to SHOW the reader what it is if that makes sense. Basically, be more subtle about it. But overally, I think you did pretty good on this. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Eryn about having good sensory detail such as "I can feel the light wind blow across my face, and I can hear the birds chirping". I like how I can compare myself to your writing because as I'm growing up, my grandmother's apartment is changing. Not only by it's looks but it's also changing my childhood. But, anyways I think you should look back and fix any grammar errors, punctuations, etc. Although, I think you did pretty good on your essay. Just fix those errors and you should be okay.
ReplyDeleteHi Skylar,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Eryn about being "more subtle" about your querencia. And I agree that you've got a nice mix of sensory detail and memories.
In your revision, clarify some details, though. Is this house shared by both your mom's and dad's parents? You call it the house your grandfathers (plural) built. I also think you should include more detail about who lives here. One of its special characteristics seems to be that your entire extended family lives here?
Note to Taira: Don't say "fix any grammar errors." That's too vague. Tell the writer the type of error and where it is found but don't correct it for them.
mrs s